


And They Can't Even Hold Hands

by indigoimpulse



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, i tried okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-19 02:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7340485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigoimpulse/pseuds/indigoimpulse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Hyungwon wants to do is touch Hoseok.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And They Can't Even Hold Hands

**Author's Note:**

  * For [changmykyun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/changmykyun/gifts).



> i don't even know what is is, to be honest. i felt like writing a lot of fluff and angst, so here it is. the plot takes a while to start, so sorry about that. also, this hasn't been beta-ed, so excuse any dumb mistakes - sorry  
> and the cat references are for lia :)

Hoseok hated being sent away for the summer.

To be honest, the lack of service for his phone wasn't the reason he was so against being sent to his uncle's every summer, even though that was pretty terrible. Hoseok's uncle wasn't even abusive or cruel - in fact, he was a pretty decent guy. No, Hoseok just hated the fact that his own dad found it so easy to send his only son away for the summer without so much as a farewell. Hoseok didn't even receive a single letter or phone call whilst he was there.

Hoseok and his dad had always clashed. Hoseok's mum had died two days after giving birth due to difficulties during labour and, grief-stricken, Hoseok's father had declared his son bad luck and interacted with him as little as possible. Hoseok's uncle had lost a sister as well and had always welcomed Hoseok without hesitation, and Hoseok wished his father could move on - he knew it wasn't easy, but it considered it to be rather selfish. It hurt considerably to see his friends spend time with their parents. Hyunwoo always played basketball with his dad on Wednesdays at the local sports centre and Hoseok couldn't be more envious. 

Hoseok's mind was still on Hyunwoo when he reached his uncle's. He got off the train and absorbed the beautiful freshness of the countryside. The area in which Hoseok's uncle lived truly was lovely; no civilisation meant fields of wildflowers stretching as far as the eye could see, and constant good weather, too. Hoseok could count the number of times it had rained during summer on one hand, and he had been sent to stay with his uncle since he was five.

Hoseok was greeted by his uncle offering him a plate of freshly cut watermelon.

'Welcome back, Hoseok.' his uncle jovially, leading Hoseok inside. 'How has your year been?'

'Oh, you know,' Hoseok responded, taking a bite of watermelon. It was sweet, refreshing and delicious, boosting Hoseok's mood dramatically. All thoughts of Hyunwoo disappeared as he finished his answer. 'Nothing out of the ordinary.'

His uncle nodded in understanding. 'Is there anything in particular you'd like to do?' he asked.

Hoseok set his bag down on the front porch. 'I think I'll just go on a walk, maybe explore a little.'

'That's fine, just don't go too far. I'll be cooking dinner if you need me.' his uncle replied, heading off to the kitchen.

'Ta.' Hoseok called, closing the door behind him.

 

Hoseok loved to explore the area around his uncle's house. He knew it was impossible to cover every single bit of ground - the fields and forests were bursting with life, and Hoseok would always return to the house deeply satisfied.

He took off on the path he usually did but veered off to the right instead of going straight like every other time he had walked down the track. A short trek through knee-high grass and broad-petalled poppies met him with a dense forest, one he'd never come across before. His throat thirsty for adventure, he entered.

The forest was very pretty. Sunlight filtered through the trees, making dappled shapes on the ground. Hoseok let himself wander freely through the maze of trees and bluebells for god knows how long. The lack of people set Hoseok's mind at ease and let him forget about home for the shortest time. Before he realised he was dreadfully lost in the centre of some forest he'd never stepped foot in before.

'Shit.' Hoseok swore under his breath, flopping down at the foot of a particularly big tree, wrapping his hands around his knees and sighing.

'It's rude to swear.' a voice replied slyly. Hoseok jumped, scanning the vicinity for any signs of life, but finding none. He felt a pair of hands on his knees and jumped again. Jesus Christ, this forest was weird. The hands remained on his knees for a good five seconds, but he couldn't see who the hands belonged to. In fact, he couldn't even see the hands. They were invisible, and that seriously creeped Hoseok out.

Finally, a boy around Hoseok's age appeared in front of him. He was very petite and short, with thin lips and a sly smile that held the smallest traces of shyness. The boy was wearing a black blindfold and cocked his head in greeting.

'Who the fuck are you?!' Hoseok yelped, obviously taken aback by the sudden turn of events. 'Why can you randomly appear - why-' he spluttered, at a loss for words.

'Geez, didn't I tell you it was rude to swear?' Invisible Boy reprimanded, taking his hands off Hoseok's knees and settling himself by the foot of the tree with a cheeky grin. 'I'm Kihyun. Who are you?'

'Hoseok. Why are you wearing a blindfold?' Hoseok fingered at the black silk, laughing. 'Kind of kinky.'

Kihyun slapped Hoseok's hands away, a violent blush spreading across his cheeks. 'Get off, get off! I can't take this off, ever.'

'Why not?'

'Because, I'm a forest spirit. I can become invisible and appear at will - but I have to keep this blindfold on. All the abilities the spirits of this forest possess come with a price - ever heard the saying 'nothing in the world comes for free'?'

Hoseok nodded. His uncle had told him tales of spirits inhabiting the forest when he was younger, but he'd never believed it till now.

'Well, that goes for everyone. Even invisible kids.' Kihyun sighed, playing with his hair. 'I can disappear at will - people won't be able to see me. But in return, I can't see people. If I look any living creature in the eyes, I’m done for.'

'Kind of sucks.' Hoseok replied empathetically, at loss for what to say. Kihyun could obviously navigate himself around without difficulty, but not being able to see anything couldn't have any advantages. 

'Yeah, well.' Kihyun stated plainly, 'You learn to live with it after a while.' There was a short pause. 'Anyway,' Kihyun changed the subject, turning to face Hoseok. 'What brings you here? We never get many visitors.'

'Figures.' Hoseok laughed. 'I came in here to get my mind off things and explore, but I got lost and now I don't know how to get out. And my uncle's expecting me home for dinner in about half an hour.'

'Can't help you there, I'm afraid. I only stay in this part of the forest, usually. I'd ask-' Kihyun was cut off suddenly by a voice.

'I'll help.' 

Kihyun and Hoseok turned around. Standing to the left of them was a tall, lanky figure, dressed down in a baggy black T-Shirt and skinny jeans. The boy had a head of thick, dark hair but Hoseok couldn’t see his face as he was wearing a traditional Chinese cat mask, white and painted with striking red and gold. Kihyun grinned and stood up.

'Hyungwon! Just the man I needed.'

The boy, supposedly Hyungwon, approached Kihyun and Hoseok, and pointed to the latter. 'Human?' he enquired, voice thick, pretty and rather inarticulate. 

'Yeah, be careful, alright?' Kihyun responded, slapping Hyungwon on the shoulder. He turned to Hoseok. 'Hoseok, this is Hyungwon. He knows the forest better than anyone, and he'll help you find your way out.'

'Cheers.' Hoseok stood up and headed towards Hyungwon. The masked boy shied way, shrinking into the crook of Kihyun's neck. For the second time that day, Hoseok found himself falling victim to Kihyun's sharp slaps.

'Don't come too near him!' Kihyun warned, and Hyungwon nodded his head in agreement. The latter held out a stick, fingers trembling.

'Hold the other end of this. I'll help you find your way out of the forest.' Hyungwon's thick voice was shaking like his delicate fingers were. Hoseok, hesitant, grabbed the other end of the stick, all sorts of confused. But he didn't ask any questions he knew he'd touched a nerve with both Hyungwon and Kihyun.

The two headed off, Kihyun bidding goodbye to Hoseok and yelling a string of warnings to Hyungwon. Hoseok swore, the blindfolded spirit could be Hyungwon's mother.

There was silence for most of the journey, so Hoseok killed time and the awkward atmosphere by engaging in conversation with the nervous, masked boy.

'Are you a spirit like Kihyun?'

Hyungwon nodded, hesitantly.

'Do you have any abilities?' Hoseok probed further, determined to keep the (rather one-sided) chat going.

'Yeah. It's sort of a longevity thing. I can live for a long time - like a really long time.' Hyungwon finally spoke up, most traces of nerves gone. 'But, like Kihyun, it comes with a price. I can't touch human flesh, or I'll die, which is why I can't touch you. I've been around for about three hundred years, and survived, which says a lot I guess. Kihyun's really protective. I've only been around him for the last twenty or so years, but he makes sure I'm always safe. He once tied me to a tree to keep me going out of the forest. I like to explore.' Hyungwon laughed, and then stopped. He was wearing a mask, but Hoseok could feel the heat radiating from Hyungwon's body. It was obvious he was blushing.

'Damn, I'm sorry.' Hyungwon said once he'd cooled down. 'I ramble a lot.'

'It's okay.' Hoseok replied, already growing fond of the taller boy. 'I rather enjoyed it.' A small pause, before 'Why do you wear a mask, then?'

'I don't really know. Hyungwon admitted, veering off to the left all of a sudden. Hoseok scrambled to keep up, his grip on the stick slipping. Hyungwon carried on casually, barely noticing Hoseok slip. 'I guess I really like it. There's not a reason, to be honest. I found it one day on the forest floor and took a liking to it.' Hyungwon hesitated. 'Also, because I'm really shy, as you've probably seen.' He chuckled nervously.

Hoseok agreed, Hyungwon was very timid. But it was less of a hindrance and more of an endearing quality, in Hoseok's opinion.

'So, tell me about yourself. Why did you get lost?' Hyungwon seemed to be completely at ease, not reserved at all. Hoseok smiled at that.

'Well, I killed off my mum by being born, so my dad basically hates me. He calls me bad luck and can't stand to be around me. So, during the summer, he sends me to live with my uncle. Every year, I go off exploring, because I like to do that, just as you do. It's my first time coming into this forest, and it's really beautiful. But I got really damn lost and kind of gave up trying to get out. That's when I met Kihyun.'

Hyungwon nodded sympathetically. 'I guess we're kind of the same then.' He said. 'My parents abandoned me in this forest all those years ago, when I was about two months old. An older spirit found me, on the brink of death, and saved me by making me a forest spirit and giving me the power of longevity. So, I never knew my mum. Or dad.' Hyungwon didn't sound too sad, which Hoseok was glad of. The masked boy's narrative abilities were to boot - it was like he was recounting the tale of someone else's tragic backstory instead of his own.

Hoseok liked that they were similar in some ways. 'Yeah, I guess we are kind of the same.' he smiled, looking at Hyungwon. Not that he could see the latter's face. He really wished he could. It became Hoseok's new challenge to gain Hyungwon's trust enough that he'd take the mask off for him. 

'We're here.' Hyungwon said, kicking a few nettles out of the way to let Hoseok pass. They had reached the clearing and Hoseok could see the track leading him back to his uncle's house. 'I'll leave you here, I guess.' Hyungwon let go of the stick.

'Ta. It was much appreciated.' Hoseok was kind of disappointed that he'd had to leave. The conversation was going pretty well, in his opinion -  he'd managed to get Hyungwon to open up, which was something. 'Will I see you tomorrow? I might drop by again.' he asked boldly to the taller boy.

Hyungwon paused. 'Maybe. You might bump into some other spirits if you come here again, but don't mind them. Keep a look out for Jooheon, he's pretty bad.' he advised, turning back to head into the forest again. 'Um...it was nice meeting you, Hoseok.'

'Same for you.' Hoseok smiled warmly, turning in the opposite direction. 'Hopefully I'll see you round.'

Hyungwon nodded and disappeared into the forest. 

Hoseok couldn't see the spirit's face, but he was sure the taller boy had been smiling under the mask.

 

The following day, Hoseok excused himself from breakfast early and headed off to the spirits' forest, quickening his pace to a light jog. He'd been thinking about the spirits a lot since last night, particularly Hyungwon. He didn't know what it was -  but he really wanted to see the latter's face. On the way to the forest, he picked a few poppies. He wove the broad, scarlet petals into his hair and decided the contrast of red and blonde was very nice-looking. He pocketed the blooms he didn't use and headed into the forest. 

He was barely five steps into the forest when he was stopped by a thick vine wrapping itself around his wrist.

'What the fuck?' Hoseok muttered, trying to free himself, but to no avail. He guessed it was one of the forest spirits messing with him. There was a high-pitched giggle from one of the trees and another vine fastened itself around Hoseok's legs, tripping him over. He fell flat on his back and blinked, winded and shocked. 

A figure leapt from the tree, laughing and letting vines lose all over Hoseok's body. They snaked around his arms, neck and mouth, restricting all movement. He was pretty sure a vine was wrapped around his dick, too - and it fucking hurt. The figure landed on the ground and walked over to Hoseok to gloat over his success - and Hoseok's miserable failure. The boy had thick green vines running up and down his arms, dark red, curly hair and dimples. His smile was bright as he looked down at a struggling Hoseok. It was clear the spirit meant no harm - he was only messing about. But Hoseok fully intended to get revenge on the red-headed boy once this was over.

'Hello.' the spirit said gleefully. 'I'm Jooheon. Who are you?' Oh. So this was the person Hyungwon had told Hoseok to stay away from. Hoseok sighed, mulling over what a failure he was. 

'Who are you?' Jooheon repeated, bending over and widening his eyes. It was obvious he revelled in teasing Hoseok. 'It's rude not to answer people's questions.'

Hoseok rolled his eyes. How many times was he going to be told he was rude by these damn forest spirits?

'Jooheon.' called a familiar voice. 'Step away from him.'

Jooheon looked up and smiled even wider than he was already, if that was even possible. 'Hyungwon! How nice of you to drop by.' 

Hyungwon joined Jooheon in looking down at a still-trapped, still-struggling Hoseok. Hoseok looked away, embarrassed when faced with Hyungwon. He'd been able to glare so harshly at Jooheon. 

'Please untie him.' Hyungwon said, tiredly. Hoseok guessed it was in Jooheon's nature to be a bit of a monkey. Jooheon rolled his eyes and stretched his arms out. The vines untangled themselves from Hoseok's mess of limbs and back to the wrists of their owner. Hoseok stood up, folding his arms.

'Listen here, you fucker-' Hoseok started, walking towards Jooheon angrily. Hyungwon prodded him back with a stick. 

'Hoseok, this is Jooheon - I've already told you about him. He's kind of a nature guy - flowers, leaves, that kind of thing. You'll have to forgive him - he's a bit of a mischief maker.'

'Yeah, I can see.' Hoseok muttered, dusting himself off. 'Let's go.'

'I think Jooheon owes you an apology.' Hyungwon said, adjusting his mask. He turned to the dimpled boy. 'Jooheon?'

Jooheon bent down and pressed his palm to the ground. When he lifted it, there was a single, pretty bluebell flower. Hoseok marvelled - he had to admit, Jooheon was pretty impressive. But the redhead killed the aura by picking the flower, holding it up to Hoseok and asking 'Marry me?' barely able to contain his snigger. Hyungwon kicked the younger boy in the shin, and muttered, 'I've given up on you, honestly.' He motioned to Hoseok, and they left Jooheon laughing to himself on the forest floor.

'Sorry about him.' Hyungwon said, hopping onto a log and balancing himself as the two walked along. 'He's terrible.'

'It's alright. I guess he's not that bad, if he didn't mean any harm. He was just messing about.' Hoseok said, even though his mind was racing with ten million ways to get revenge on the redheaded forest spirit. 

Hyungwon nodded. 'So, anything in mind to do?' he questioned. 'It was you who wanted to hang out yesterday.'

'Nothing in particular, to be honest.' Hoseok admitted. 'I kind of just wanted to get to know you better.' 

Hyungwon dipped his head in consent. 'I'm up for that. Let's go and find somewhere to sit.'

The two boys settled themselves by an old wooden shack in the middle of the forest, Hyungwon sitting on the windowsill. His legs dangled just to the left of Hoseok, who seated himself on the ground, beside the battered door. And they talked.

It was very enjoyable spending time with Hyungwon, Hoseok thought. They had quite a lot in common - the outstanding difference being Hyungwon was much more closed off, and he found it a lot harder to open up than Hoseok did. But Hoseok helped him; he would look up, smiling serenely when Hyungwon stuttered or hesitated, and Hyungwon's confidence would come flooding back and they'd carry on as normal. Hoseok thought it was safe to say Hyungwon also enjoyed his company. 

They carried on like that for the rest of the summer, their meetups only being interrupted by Hoseok having to go back to his uncle's or the presence of another forest spirit. Hoseok got to know Changkyun, a cute dimpled boy who was able to shapeshift.  Hyungwon was jealous of Changkyun, Hoseok had found out. Hyungwon's favourite animal was a cat, and he longed to possess Changkyun's power and turn into a cat, even if it was just for a day. Hoseok also became friends with smiley Minhyuk, who had the power of light at his fingertips. They were all very agreeable (apart from Jooheon, who Hoseok had to admit was a little troublesome), but he, of course, enjoyed Hyungwon's company the most.

When the summer ended and Hoseok had to go home for college, he headed to the forest one last time. The train home left early in the morning and Hoseok ran to the forest as fast as his legs would take him.

'Hyungwon,' Hoseok called, panting. 'Hyungwon!'

But Hyungwon didn't come. Hoseok, gutted, turned to exit the forest, when he felt a pair of hands on his shoulder. Kihyun appeared behind him, a smile on his face. 'Hyungwon's not in the forest at the moment - sorry. Why is it you're looking for him?'

'I'm leaving - I'm going back to the city. I won't be back next summer, and I came to say goodbye till next year.'

'Oh.' Kihyun seemed sad. 'I'll pass on the message. It's a pity you're leaving.'

'Oh yeah?' Hoseok said offhandedly. He was shocked, to be honest. He hadn't realised he was so welcome in the forest. 

'Oh yeah. Hyungwon has been a lot more open and happy since you showed up. He won't stop going on about you to me and Minhyuk. Hoseok this, Hoseok that...he really does appreciate your friendship.' Kihyun laughed a little, and clapped Hoseok on the shoulder. 'Have a good year, Hoseok. We'll see you next summer.'

'You too. Say bye to Changkyun and Minhyuk from me, too.' There was a small pause, and Hoseok added grudgingly 'And Jooheon, I guess.'

'Will do. Be good!' Kihyun called as Hoseok headed out to catch his train.

'Yes, mum.' Hoseok rolled his eyes with a smile and exited the forest for the last time that year. 

 

  
The next summer rolled around, and Hoseok couldn't have been more excited. He missed the spirits a lot - they were really good friends. Hyungwon especially. His dad didn't bother him as much as he usually did, and neither did Hyunwoo's basketball cajoles with his own dad. His mind was solely on the beaten-up shack in which he and Hyungwon would spend afternoons together, once upon a time.

Once the train arrived at his uncle's, Hoseok barely greeted his host before snatching up two slices of watermelon and running to the woods as fast as he could. He didn't even need to look for Hyungwon - the taller boy was waiting for him at the perimeter of the forest, picking at the grass at his feet. The cat mask was still on, the lavish golden paint flashing in the sunlight.

The spirit looked up, hopeful. When he caught sight of Hoseok, he leapt up and came running to the latter in long, easy bounds. He was about to embrace the blonde boy when he hesitated, and his arms dropped to his sides.

'Ah. I forgot for a minute.' Hyungwon was upset, the thickness in his voice not just because of the way he talked. Hoseok burned with empathy - he longed to touch Hyungwon too, but of course he couldn't. Hoseok couldn't even do what he'd usually do to console someone - he couldn't pat Hyungwon's back, ruffle his hair, nothing. It sucked. Hyungwon seemed to take it in his stride though, and asked 'How has your year been?'

'Eh.' Hoseok shrugged, following Hyungwon into the forest. 'Nothing special happened. I really missed you, though.' 

Hyungwon seemed to perk at the last part. 'I missed you too.' 

'Do you want some watermelon?' Hoseok offered his last piece to the other boy. Hyungwon nodded eagerly and took it - their fingers were inches apart and Hoseok's hair stood on end, but Hyungwon barely took notice as he lifted his mask up to rest on his forehead, and Hoseok could finally see his face. Hoseok marvelled.

Hyungwon was very pretty. Like, extremely pretty. Lazy, heavy-lidded, rectangular eyes and a shapely nose. Round cheeks and a beautiful smile - lips with a jagged Cupid's bow and a plump lower lip, the colour of roses. He took a huge bite of the watermelon and mewed appreciatively. 

'Thank you! It's delicious.' Hyungwon smiled, sliding the mask over his face again, and the moment passed. 

Hoseok shook his head. 'No problem.' He considered saying what he wanted to say for a long while, and decided, fuck it, he would. 'You're very pretty, by the way.'

Hyungwon faltered, and Hoseok could feel the blush from Hyungwon's cheeks. There was a very long pause, where Hyungwon fidgeted, clearly flattered and embarrassed. 'T-Thanks.' he finally managed to choke out, hands fiddling with the rim of his mask. 'You're good-looking too, you know.' The compliment seemed to make Hyungwon more flustered, which Hoseok found remarkably cute.

'You should take your mask off, Hyungwon.' Hoseok said seriously, as they walked together. 'There's nothing to be shy about.'

'You think so?' Hyungwon lowered the mask, so Hoseok could see his dark eyes, framed by a mask of lashes. Hoseok nodded, smiling encouragingly. Confident, Hyungwon took the mask off altogether, shaking his hair and inhaling deeply.

'There we go.' Hoseok said, happier than he'd been in a long time. 'Pretty as ever.'

'Just kiss already!' called a cheeky voice from the trees. Hoseok didn't even need to see the face to know the voice belonged to Jooheon. Hoseok couldn't help but feel awkward, and if he felt embarrassed, then that was nothing compared to poor Hyungwon, who had slipped the mask back on as quick as anything. But there was no mistaking the blush that spread across his cheeks like wildfire. 

'Thanks a lot, Jooheon.' Hoseok called furiously.

For the rest of the afternoon, Hoseok tried to coax the mask off Hyungwon, partly because he was beautiful beyond belief, partly he felt bad that the spirit was so self-conscious when there really was nothing to be shy about. But to no avail - the poor boy was shaken and barely talked that afternoon. They bumped into Kihyun, who promised he'd give Jooheon hell for undoing all of Hoseok's hard work.

It was three weeks till Hyungwon took his mask off again. 

 

'Hoseok, Hoseok!' Hyungwon trilled, waiting at their usual meeting spot, waving excitedly. Hoseok jogged up to the animated boy and asked, 'What is it?'

'You'll never guess what,' Hyungwon seemed giddy to the point of squealing. 'Kihyun and Changkyun are in love!' 

Hoseok did a double take. 'What?'

It was four summers since he'd met Hyungwon and never in his time in the forest had he seen Changkyun and Kihyun be even close to being in love. Sure, there was the odd occurrence where Changkyun would wonder up to Kihyun, as a little puppy, wagging his tail and asking for a tummy rub. Kihyun would always oblige, a small smile lifting his lips. Hoseok had to admit that was cute, but he had no idea it meant romance.

'I don't know!' Hyungwon was so excited he was out of breath. 'I wanted to talk to Kihyun this morning, and when I found him he was eating Changkyun's face!' the boy sounded so happy, Hoseok had to try and keep in his laugh.

'Congratulations to them, then.' Hoseok remarked. 'That's pretty amazing, considering Kihyun can't see.'

'I know, right?' Hyungwon was in an extremely good mood, even overly so. 'Come on, I want to take you fishing today.'

Hoseok followed Hyungwon to the lake. He was happy for Kihyun and Changkyun, of course he was, but he couldn't help but to be jealous. If he could, he would have kissed Hyungwon a long time ago. And he couldn't help thinking Hyungwon was feeling the same way.

Hoseok sighed. The way life planned out for him, it always seemed he'd be jealous of  _someone_ for  _something_.

Even something as simple as falling in love.

Hyungwon was very at ease, considering how (excessively) happy he'd been at Changkyun and Kihyun's getting together. He lolled on the grass, mask balanced on his forehead to keep the sun out of his face. Hoseok thought he looked very beautiful. So he decided to voice his thoughts.

'Hyungwon,'

'Yes?' was the relaxed answer. Hyungwon looked up, his eyes half open. Christ, Hoseok could burst.

'I need to ask you something.' 

'Go ahead.'

'Well,' Hoseok started, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. 'I was just thinking. You seemed very happy that Changkyun and Kihyun are in love. I mean, I'm happy too, of course, but - and no offense - you did seem extremely happy. Like, I just felt it wasn't right. And,' Hoseok paused, nervous. 'And I can't help thinking you were upset because you can't do to me what Changkyun does to Kihyun. And vice versa.' 

Hyungwon tensed, the mask slipping off his forehead and onto the grass. Oh, Hoseok thought, looking away. I've fucked up.

'Hyungwon, if I've said anything wrong, I'm sorry-'

'No, you're right.' Hyungwon's fingers were shaking as they collected the mask from the floor. He ran a trembling index finger up and down the little black nose of the cat painted onto the mask. 'I was trying to hide the fact that Changkyun and Kihyun made me feel quite fucking depressed.' And Hoseok snaps his gaze back to focus on Hyungwon's red face because - oh.  _Oh_. 

'Hoseok, I really like you. You're really nice to be around. You've made me feel at ease, more so than any spirit could ever have made me feel. And like, oh - how do I put this - you're pretty damn beautiful. And it's confusing, you know? Not just because of the whole 'I can't touch you because I'll die' thing. Because, like, you leave every year to go back home, and I miss you like crazy, all the time.' Hyungwon's fingers were trembling violently, and Hoseok would have paid anything to reach over and calm the poor boy down. 'It's so crazy. I'm sorry if I messed our friendship up.'

'You didn't.' was Hoseok's reply. His heart was hammering inside his chest.

'I didn't?' Hyungwon was extremely confused. The trembling had subsided slightly, which Hoseok supposed was a good thing. 

'No, not at all.' Hoseok confirmed, sitting up. 'I like you as well. I have for a while.'

'I just want to touch you so bad, you know?' The trembling had started again, and it was worse than Hoseok had ever seen it. Hyungwon's hands were shaking so violently as he held them up to his face. And Hoseok realised Hyungwon was crying. It was the first time he'd seen the spirit cry, and Hoseok couldn't help it. He started to cry as well. Hyungwon carried on talking, his shoulders convulsing with tears, his voice trembling. It was barely at a whisper. 'I want to hug you and kiss you and do all the things that people in love do. It's so unfair, right? That I have to be stuck with this shitty curse. If that spirit hadn't saved me all those years ago, I wouldn't be suffering so badly.' 

'Hyungwon,' Hoseok whispered, looking down. He didn't want Hyungwon to see him cry. He'd always been the one to pick Hyungwon back up, the one to give that encouraging smile that would tempt the mask off Hyungwon's beautiful, beautiful face. 'I'm sorry.'

'Don't apologise.' Hyungwon set his shaking hands on his chest. 'Hoseok, listen. Next year, there's a festival I want to take you to. All the spirits go there, to celebrate the first spirit that made the forest that we live in. Initially I thought I would take you just to have fun, since you haven't been before. But, fuck it. I want to take you as my date.' 

'It sounds amazing. I'd love to go.' Hoseok meant it. 'I can't wait.' 

And it was true. Hoseok knew this year was the most impatient he'd ever be.

 

It was exactly four days since Hyungwon asked Hoseok on a date. The two of them were sitting inside the shack, joined by Changkyun and Kihyun. It was raining - Hoseok was glad, because the forest looked so beautiful when it was raining. The raindrops clung to the tops of the trees and the whole forest smelled fresh and wonderful. 

Kihyun was playing with Changkyun, again. Changkyun had taken the form of a little puppy (as he so often did) and was begging Kihyun to play with him. Kihyun, chuckling, picked Changkyun the puppy up and smattered the little dog in kisses.

'Come on, little pup.' Kihyun crooned, using the nickname he knew Changkyun loved. 'Let me talk to Changkyun the person.'

A pop, and Changkyun the person was sitting in Kihyun's lap, the latter's arms wrapped lovingly around the former's waist. Kihyun smiled, the happiest Hoseok had seen him in a while. 'There's my little pup.' 

Hoseok had asked Hyungwon if he was okay with seeing Kihyun and Changkyun as a couple, since Hyungwon couldn't engage in the same kind of affection with Hoseok. But an embarrassed Hyungwon had admitted that seeing Kihyun play with Changkyun was a very enjoyable pastime, even if it did make him extremely jealous. So, Hoseok, who didn't particularly mind either, joined him in the shack to spend time with Changkyun and Kihyun.

Kihyun started to tickle Changkyun, his fingers working devious patterns up the latter’s waist, armpits, neck. Changkyun squealed, and through choked laughter, yelled ‘Get of me, you son of a -’

‘Ah ah ah!’ Kihyun tutted, pressing his finger to Changkyun’s parted lips with a sly grin. ‘And you were doing so well too. Nearly a month without swearing! I’m going to have to punish you _real_ bad, aren’t I? You bad dog.’

Changkyun blanched. ‘I’m sorry, it just slipped out. I’ll do anything I’ll-’ to which Kihyun roared with laughter and ruffled his partner’s hair fondly.

If there was one thing Hoseok knew about the couple, it was that they were both complete suckers for kisses. Out of the blue, Changkyun pressed an affectionate kiss to the black silk of Kihyun's blindfold. The latter laughed, pressing his lips to Changkyun's own. It was at that point Hyungwon, disgusted, looked away and yelled 'Okay, you two. Get a room.'

Laughing into the kiss, Kihyun stood up and tumbled out of the shack into the rain, dragging a blissed-out Changkyun with him. 

A few seconds of silence passed, when Hyungwon spoke up again. 'Kiss me.'

'Hyungwon, you know we can't.' Hoseok stated, looking at his lover. 'You'll-'

'I know what would happen, Hoseok. I honestly don't care - I can't keep living like this.' It broke Hoseok's heart that Hyungwon was so deprived of simple human affection - he wasn't exactly a human, but Hyungwon deserved so much. Hoseok thought it was unfair that the sweetest boy he'd ever met had to suffer like that. And he knew it was selfish, but he wouldn't let Hyungwon die because of this. 

Hoseok was just about to respond when Changkyun's desperate yell caught both boys' attention.

'Hyungwon, help me!' It sounded like the poor thing was crying. Hyungwon stood up without hesitation and legged it out of the shack, Hoseok at his heels.

They found the stricken boy kneeling on the forest floor, sobbing into his hands. On closer inspection, Hoseok saw a black blindfold clutched in the crying boy's hands, and his stomach dropped.

'Where's Kihyun?' Hyungwon asked, voice strained as he scanned the forest. 'Changkyun, where-'

'H-' Changkyun hiccupped, collapsing into Hyungwon's arms. 'H-he took the blindfold off.'

'He what?' Hyungwon paled visibly, rocking the sobbing younger boy in his delicate arms. Hoseok could only watch, stricken.

'W-we were kissing, and he - he just took it off. H-he wanted to see me, and I had no idea. I would have looked away otherwise-' Changkyun was shaking, scared and upset beyond belief. 'I want him back, Hyungwon. I want him to come back.' 

'Oh, love.' Hyungwon comforted, stroking Changkyun's hair. There were tears in his eyes - Kihyun had been almost like a mother to the taller boy, Hoseok knew. And Hoseok himself would never forget the day Kihyun became his friend, the first time he'd stepped into the forest. But for Changkyun, Hoseok couldn't even fathom how the poor boy felt.

Changkyun choked out a long, strangled cry, carried away by the thundering rain. 

 

The forest really wasn't the same without Kihyun. Hoseok was sure everything would go to chaos once the mother of the forest was absent. Changkyun had been absent for a few days too. Jooheon suggested that the younger boy had transformed into a worm and let himself be eaten by a bird, to which Minhyuk declared Jooheon as morbid and dreadful. No one really paid attention to what Jooheon was saying - the redhead had never been particularly close to Kihyun, anyway.

The rest of the summer passed in a sad blur. Hyungwon and Hoseok spent a lot of time together, but neither of them said much. The forest itself seemed to acknowledge the loss of a spirit. The day after Kihyun died, a day didn't pass where it rained for at least half the day. Hoseok really couldn't wait until next summer, where he'd be able to celebrate festivities with Hyungwon in a hopefully slightly less sad atmosphere.

 

Hoseok waited for the next summer to come with increasing impatience. There wasn't a day where he didn't think about Kihyun, and he couldn't even tell his friends at college about it. Hyunwoo was off doing a sports course on the other side of the country and never in his life had Hoseok felt lonelier. 

Hyungwon was waiting for him at the edge of the forest, weaving flowers into his hair like Hoseok had four years ago. With him was Changkyun - thankfully smiling. 'Look who I've found.' Hyungwon announced proudly, pushing Changkyun forward slightly.

'How are you?' Hoseok couldn't help but break into a huge grin as Changkyun rocketed himself into his arms. He embraced the smaller boy, happy to finally be back in his favourite place. 

'I'm alright.' Changkyun said into Hoseok's shoulder. 'I've missed you.'

'Likewise.'

Behind them, Hyungwon smiled to himself. Of course he was gutted that he couldn't hug Hoseok like Changkyun did, but it was heart-warming to see his two friends getting along.

 

Hoseok awaited the Spirits' Festival with extreme impatience. It seemed as though Hoseok's life was just a vicious circle of waiting endlessly for everything. This time round, he didn't particularly mind. He knew the Festival was going to be extremely fun.

On the night of the festival, Hoseok was extremely quiet as he snuck out of his uncle's house and made his way to the forest. Hyungwon was sitting inside the shack, wearing the cat mask and traditional clothes. The robes were really pretty, a soft pale pink embroidered with delicate lilac and turquoise flowers. Laying on the floor was a red set of clothes, scarlet and golden, just like Hoseok's hair when they had poppies in them. A crown of poppies themselves lay atop the clothes.

'You look wonderful.' Hoseok complimented, dropping to the floor and exchanging his pyjamas for the red robes. He settled the crown of red flowers into his hair and Hyungwon smiled under the mask. 

'Thank you. I think you look nicer, though.' 

'No way. Pink really suits you.' laughed Hoseok said, standing up. 'Shall we go?'

'Definitely.' Hyungwon said, following his lover out of the shack.

 

The Festival was unlike anything Hoseok had seen before. Sure, he had been to plenty of festivals and ‘authentic’ markets back home, but they were the ones overcrowded with sweaty, screaming kids and the ones cramped with stalls selling cheap steamed buns and overcooked rice and vegetables. As Hyungwon led Hoseok past stalls twinkling with softly-coloured fairy lights, selling all sorts, Hoseok felt more at home than he’d ever been in his life.

Hyungwon purchased some pretty sea-blue ribbon and tied one end around his own delicate, tiny wrist. He passed the other end to Hoseok, who in turn did the same.

‘We’re like a proper couple, aren’t we?’ Hoseok asked, with a big smile.

‘We’ve always been a proper couple.’ Hyungwon hummed, pausing to inspect the ribbon. ‘We just didn’t know it until recently.’

The two ran into Changkyun, who was chatting to a stall holder. The younger spirit was wearing Kihyun’s blindfold on his forehead, and greeted Hyungwon and Hoseok with a wide, dimpled smile. Hoseok ran over and ruffled the younger’s hair.

‘And how are we doing?’ Hoseok asked.

‘Good!’ Changkyun answered enthusiastically, his mouth full of food. Hyungwon laughed, a thick, soothing sound, and tugged the ribbon lightly. Hoseok bid goodbye to Changkyun and followed his lover further into the parade.

Markets bursting with food, masks, toys, even musical instruments, tempted the boys deeper and deeper into the mess of bright colours and laughter. Hyungwon bought two cups of bubbling liquid and offered one to Hoseok.

‘Spirits only get this drink when the Festival rolls round, every ten years.’ he explained. ‘Try it, it’s delicious.’ The spirit balanced the cat mask on his forehead, took a small sip of the contents, and then lapped the rest down appreciatively, totally blissed-out. Eyes pulled nearly shut, mouth closing in on itself in a ‘v’ shape, neck rolled back – Hoseok could kiss his lover right there – if it didn’t mean death, of course.

Hoseok took a sip out of his own cup, then decided immediately this was his new favourite beverage. It tasted exactly as he thought Hyungwon would – of sweet summer berries and rose petals. He downed the rest of it in less than three gulps, and smacked his lips, wanting to keep the taste of Hyungwon on his lips for as long as possible.

The festival was full of things to see – new food and drink Hoseok had never tried before, cute little souvenirs and trinkets, and drunk Jooheon making out with an equally drunk Minhyuk. That’s something you don’t see every day, Hoseok thought to himself with a laugh. They look good together.

Hyungwon himself had caught sight of Jooheon and Minhyuk’s kiss, and leaned into Hoseok unconsciously.

‘If I just…’ the spirit murmured, pursing his lips. Hoseok held the length of ribbon up and pressed it to Hyungwon’s lips, earning a pleased, submissve mew from the other boy. Hoseok could see the outline of Hyungwon’s angelic lips through the material as he closed the distance between his mouth and Hyungwon’s. The fabric was wide enough to drop below both boys’ chins as Hoseok worked his way around his partner’s lips, safe because of the ribbon.

Hoseok broke away from the kiss, out of breath, but happy. Evidently, Hyungwon was also satisfied as he peeled the now damp ribbon away from his lips, which were pleasantly swollen pink.

Hoseok smiled at that.

 

‘Was that your first kiss?’ Hoseok asked as they headed home after the festival ended. Hyungwon cocked his head.

‘I wouldn’t exactly call it a kiss.’ he responded, with a coy smile. The taller boy had abandoned his mask in favour of a wreath of dainty roses to match his robes, and Hoseok thought he looked like a prince. ‘But it was definitely the first remotely intimate thing I’ve ever done.’

‘I’m glad you enjoyed it.’ Hoseok said, swinging their arms up and down happily. ‘Thank you for taking me here tonight. It was wonderful.’

‘I thought you’d like it.’ Hyungwon smiled softly, reaching into his pocket. He handed Hoseok the cat mask. ‘Here, I want you to have this. Just as a reminder of me while you’re back at home.’

Hoseok faltered, taking the mask with hesitant fingers. ‘But you love this thing.’ he stated dumbly, fingering the streaks of exquisite gold paint. ‘You love cats.’

Hyungwon shrugged. ‘Yeah, well. I love you more.’ And he kept walking.

 _Something’s not right._ Hoseok was troubled, but he pocketed the mask and caught up with his lover anyway.

 

They were nearly back at the forest, when the two boys heard playful shrieks from behind them. Hurtling towards the couple were two little children, playing an innocent game of tag. Hoseok smiled. It brought back memories of when he and Hyunwoo used to play together at school.

One of the children, a little girl wearing an autumnal coloured fox mask, tripped over her feet and fell over, legs buckling beneath her. Hyungwon gasped and reached out, just able to catch the girl’s wrist before she hit the floor. He ruffled her hair and warned her to be careful, watching her dash off at her brother’s heels.

‘You’ve got the biggest heart.’ Hoseok sang happily, about to enter the less dense, outer area of the forest. Hyungwon, however, was staying still. He held his hand up to his face, and stared at Hoseok with a wide-eyed mix of amazement and panic.

The taller boy’s elegant, long fingers were dissolving into thin air, flying into the bejewelled night sky and disappearing amongst the tops of the trees.

‘Hyungwon. Was that girl a –’ Hoseok was horrified, but he could only stare as Hyungwon’s entire hand floated into faded nothingness.

‘I thought she was a spirit!’ Hyungwon whispered, his voice quavering. His big, kitten eyes were watering and Hoseok’s heart was pounding with desperation but there was nothing he could do.

‘No, you didn’t!’ Hoseok was angry, but there wasn’t even time to yell. ‘You planned this! I can’t believe-’

‘Hoseok, I don’t want to die.’

‘Baby,’ Hoseok collided with Hyungwon’s lanky, beautiful body, wrapping his arms around his lover’s waist as Hyungwon’s toes, hair, cheeks dispersed upwards and became lost in the constellations. ‘Shit, shitshitshitshit-’ He cupped Hyungwon’s disappearing cheeks in his hands. ‘Does it hurt?’

Hyungwon shook his head, tears flying skyward instead of trailing down his cheeks. ‘Kiss me.’

Hoseok didn’t hesitate.

Their lips collided in a grief-stricken, loving mess, Hyungwon’s tongue wondering inside Hoseok’s mouth and Hoseok’s hands wandering skittishly over the parts of Hyungwon’s body that still remained.

‘I love you.’ Hyungwon cried into Hoseok’s lips.

‘I love you more.’ Hoseok insisted, tasting his own tears as he raked his hands through Hyungwon’s fast-disappearing hair.

‘I love you mo-’

Hyungwon’s voice – the thick, calming voice that Hoseok looked forward to every summer – melted away softly into summer evening, lost amongst the stars and treetops. Hyungwon’s voice – the voice with unique cadences and melodies – the voice Hoseok would never hear again.

Hoseok ran back to his uncle’s house, sobs echoing through the forest.

The cat mask was left lying on the forest floor, underneath an ocean of tears and wilted rose petals.

 

Hoseok went back to collect Hyungwon’s cat mask on the last day of summer. He hadn’t been into the forest since the night of the Festival and didn’t intend to stay long, nor did he intend to return to his uncle’s house after this summer. As he closed his fingers around the white mask, brushing stray fallen leaves off the paint, he heard a quiet bark. A little puppy wound itself around a tree, eyeing Hoseok questioningly.

‘Hi, Changkyun.’ Hoseok was very tired. He waited for the puppy to approach him and transform into Changkyun the person.

‘Hello Hoseok.’ Changkyun smiled, but the lift of the younger boy’s lips was anything but happy. ‘We haven’t seen you round here for quite a while.’

‘Yeah, well.’ Hoseok shrugged, turning around to exit the forest. ‘I didn’t see any reason to come back here.’

‘I know it hurts, Hoseok.’ Hoseok was about to snap at the younger, but then he remembered Kihyun. Damnit, the blonde boy thought. I really am a jerk.

Changkyun carried on. ‘You know I know what it feels like.’

‘Yeah, I do.’ Hoseok admitted. ‘Sorry I didn’t come and see you guys.’

‘It’s alright.’ Changkyun smiled again, sadly. ‘I just hope you come and visit next summer.’

‘I’ll try.’ Hoseok managed a laugh – the first one since the Festival. ‘I don’t know if I’ll have the energy, to be honest.’

‘We’d all miss you tons, you know.’ Changkyun said. Hoseok nodded.

‘I’d miss you tons, too, if I wasn’t coming back.’ Hoseok insisted, turning away. ‘See you next summer, Changkyun.’

‘Hyungwon really loved you.’ Changkyun blurted out, blushing immediately after he’d voiced his thoughts. Hoseok turned to face his friend, a smile on his face. ‘You think?’

‘Of course!’ said the younger boy eagerly. ‘He’d never shut up about you. It was obvious you were the only one for him. And you took really good care of him – none of the spirits could get him to open up like you did. No one had ever cared for Hyungwon like that, and he really took that to heart.’

‘You reckon?’ Hoseok said quietly, his soft smile getting wider. ‘I think Kihyun really loved you too.’

‘Yeah, well I knew that already.’ Changkyun pulled the black blindfold out of his pocket, a little grin lacing his lips. ‘You don’t need to search for love. It’s right there for you – right in front of your eyes.’ The younger boy stifled a giggle. ‘Even if you can’t see.’

‘Have a good summer, little one.’ Hoseok said fondly, pulling Changkyun into a hug.

‘You too – take care!’ Changkyun waved Hoseok off, a wide grin on his face.

 

Hoseok returned to the city and immediately scheduled a meetup with Hyunwoo, who had finished his sports course. The two boys met up in the café near Hyunwoo’s apartment, and they caught up over cups of iced tea.

‘So, what did you do over summer?’ Hyunwoo asked. ‘Did you go back to your uncle’s place?’

‘Yeah.’ Hoseok leaned back in his chair, taking a lazy sip of his drink. ‘And I found the meaning of true love, I reckon.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Hyunwoo smiled, sceptical. Hoseok didn’t blame Hyunwoo for being dubious – the latter had a girlfriend and was very successful. On the other hand, he didn’t know about Hyungwon – not that Hoseok would ever tell.

‘Definitely.’ Hoseok replied. And Hyunwoo hadn’t asked Hoseok’s supposed meaning of true love, which was lucky for the older boy, because if Hoseok were to respond, he’d be very confused. But if anyone happened to be curious, Hoseok had his answer all ready.

True love, to Hoseok, would be tall boys in baggy, dark T-Shirts whose name rolled off the tongue like fizzy peach juice in the summer. It would be wet kisses, lips separated by a thin strip of life-saving blue ribbon. Rose petals and poppies, silky robes, rain and run down wooden shacks. Summer and shared watermelon, last kisses in a tsunami of emotions.

Hoseok smiled to himself as he fingered the cat mask sitting in his pocket.

**Author's Note:**

> if you got to the end,, congrats i guess? i hope you enjoyed :0  
> feedback greatly appreciated, have a good day!<3


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